Being a parent is a huge responsibility and hard work.
Parenting an adopted child brings extra challenges. It’s wise to seek support when feeling unsure or stressed to help foster a healthy family life. Like every other parent we often feel that we get thrown in at the deep end, with out much preparation. Listed below are some of the topics that are covered on the Department for Child Protection website. They may help.
- Developmental stages of children
- Talking to children
- Listening to children
- Emotions
- Being clear and fair
- Setting limits
- Giving encouragement and praise
- Reward good behaviour
- Ideas for positive discipline
- Keeping your cool
- Surviving (and enjoying!) school holidays
The extra challenges of parenting an adoptive child
Generally most issues that you will face will be common to most parents. However, if you feel that you are facing a parenting issue that is specific to adoption then you may like to talk with Adoption Service or a support service that understands adoption matters. See Support for those involved in adoption.
If your child is of a different ethnic background to you then your child is reliant on you to develop and maintain a cultural connection. You will need to be able to help your child manage issues of discrimination or racism should they arise. Attached are some links that may assist with these issues. See also links in ‘Adopting a child from overseas’.
People talking about the adoption
Adoption today is an ‘open’ process between– the birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee where information is shared. For locally relinquished children it is quite likely that birth parents and adoptive parents will meet, continue to exchange information and may have regular and ongoing contact. For overseas adoptions the ‘sending’ country will usually request ongoing information and encourage the maintaining of connections.
Confidentiality
The adoption legislation requires all parites to an adoption to maintain confidentiality. Adoption Service staff place a strong emphasis on confidentiality when working with parties in adoption.
Some birth parents prefer to keep the adoption a secret from their family and this is possible. However the adoptive parents and the child will always know the identities of the birth parents.
The adoption legislation requires that relevant identifying information is given to those involved in an adoption. This sharing of information is important and is formalised in an Adoption Plan lodged with the Family Court.
Talking to Your Child About Adoption
If you are an adoptive parent then it is best that you start talking about adoption to your child as early as possible. Don’t wait until you think they will be able to understand the complexity of the arrangement. Aim to give your child some awareness about their adoptive status by the age of two, however their understanding will only be according to their stage of development.
As your child grows you will be able to explain more. As children think how they came about they will probably present you with many opportunities to discuss their adoption. Be open to talking about it when ever it is raised. The love your child will feel towards you will not be diminished because you did not conceive them.
If you find it difficult to start talking to your child about their adoption then feel free to phone Adoption Service and have a chat about the sort of options that might be best. Alternatively call one of the adoption organisations. See Support for those involved in adoption.
By introducing adoption early in your child’s life they will learn that even though adoption is different from the experience that most of their friends will have it is not something to feel ashamed of.