Well, here are some of the main things. They want you to have a good life. They want you to be happy and be a worthwhile member of the community.

For most parents, that means having the things they think are important like a good job, enough money to buy what you need such as a nice home or holidays, some money left over for fun things, good friends and, later, a family.

They also want you to be liked by others in the community.

They want you to avoid mistakes like getting into bad habits by mixing with the wrong people, wasting money so you can’t afford things you want and not studying so you end up with a job you don’t find satisfying.

Often, they want you to share their own values and opinions.

And they want you to like yourself.

They want to feel that they are good parents to you.

They want to discuss issues with you in a calm, reasonable way — and not resort to shouting or force. They might want other people to see that they can deal with family conflicts without getting uptight.

They want you to love them and appreciate all they have done for you (they are only human, after all). They also want to be proud of you.

They want to have a good relationship with you for the rest of their lives, and be an important part of your life. Later, you might have a family of your own and your parents will want you to let them be involved as grandparents.

Well, much the same as everyone. They want a good life, a home, money, enough time for hobbies and interests, holidays, security, love, acceptance, respect, good relationships with family and friends, and to be valued in their community.

In other words, they want interesting and worthwhile lives — with lots of fun as well as responsibilities. They want to be liked and respected, and to like and respect themselves. Of course, they want you to like and respect them too.

Pretty much the same things they want for you.

They also want a smooth running, peaceful lifestyle, with not too many hassles or arguments. This means everyone at home helping each other out.

To you, your parents may be just parents. But like you, they have many roles in life. Besides being parents to you, they are also friends, neighbours, partners, voters, sons or daughters, brothers or sisters, bosses, employees and work colleagues.

In other words, parents have lives — responsibilities and interests — apart from you and your brothers and sisters.

Like everyone else, parents hate being put down, being ignored, not being cared for, being ‘used’ or ‘abused’, failing, feeling out of control and helpless and getting old (you probably remind them of this).

Sound familiar?

Sometimes, parents lose their cool and become the kind of people they really don’t want to be — shouting, laying down the law and nagging.

This might be because you are upset with each other or it might have very little to do with you at all. Maybe some other part of their life is going badly. As a result, they might be feeling out of control, put down, pressured or unloved.

They might need a little support and understanding, even a bit of tolerance, to help them through these times.

There probably is not much point in arguing with parents when they are upset. Best to wait a while until you and they have cooled down.

Why do parents insist on knowing your friends and who you are with, make you to come home at a particular time, demand to know what you are doing, make you do your homework and treat you like a little kid sometimes?

The main reason parents make lots of rules and go ballistic when you don’t stick to those rules is fear. The rules are to protect you or to stop you from making bad and possibly dangerous mistakes.

Your parents are simply afraid that, for example, things will not work out for you, you will get hurt (emotionally or physically), they’ll lose you or you’ll end up doing something which will affect you for the rest of your life (like having a child you can’t take care of, getting hooked on alcohol or drugs, or ending up in a dead end job).

Believe it or not, all parents were once teenagers. And one of the main reasons they’re afraid you’ll make mistakes is because they probably did.

Some problems may be temporary like a rough patch in their marriage, unemployment or difficulties at work. This may affect a parent’s relationship with you until he or she gets on top of the problem.

A small number of parents have problems which are so big that they end up putting their own needs first a lot of the time. Sometimes the problems take up so much energy there’s not much left for you.

Serious adult problems include chronic unhappiness in marriage, domestic violence, physical illness, psychiatric problems, depression, drug and alcohol problems, addiction to gambling, criminal activities, prison and poverty. These kinds of problems can be really overwhelming for everyone in the family.

If you live in a home where there are problems like these, you will probably be affected by them in some way. These kinds of problems put huge pressure on adults and children alike. If you are used to living under these conditions, you may not realise just how much they are affecting you.

Sometimes parents have had serious problems in their own childhood such as physical or sexual abuse, or were not cared for very well by their own parents.

If they have not been able to put these experiences behind them —for instance, by talking to someone about them — they may still be affected by painful memories. They may feel sad, angry or troubled.

Almost always, such parents feel bad about themselves. And it is normal for children affected by these problems to feel bad about themselves too.

In a small number of cases, parents take out their own problems on their children in dangerous ways. Some children are badly neglected, or emotionally, physically or sexually abused by one or both of their own parents, or their parents do not stop someone else from harming them.

Are you being affected by what is happening with your parents? Do you feel sad or distressed a lot of the time? If so, there are people who can help you.

To find out which telephone numbers you can call, click here.